fieralingue

Alan Sondheim Part 3

beneath the water, disturbances

untethered, riggings

liquid, the forms following, liquid

shabby, shapeless, memory, unholding

stressed or stretched cloth, sails,

water-clogged

cold lake rocking

earth which is always waters

the waters

=====

+++

dear whom,

+++ what is it you wish to know. last night there were burrowings,

them I hope you understand. the great sky were an enormous jelly

of one piece. so distinct i hear A great soul has come through

this sky. +++ i did not see through there, i did not further went.

what would be this that the very walls shudder, i did not have

premonitions. in the morning i listen to a star i cannot see in

our bright day. +++ i did see nothing. +++ 'i am a radio waiting

for a station' my father did say. the sun was very bright day and

perhaps that were a reason. i do not know. i hear A great music in

my soul. i will study god. we +++

march 16, 9 a.m., 2000

=====

the lake                              /*as if contained*/

talking in the middle of the world    /*waters and no shores*/

the motivation of a sail              /*none, none*/

perfect balancing where worlds        /*among forces*/

breathe in worlds,                   /*breathing winds*/

delicate among elements               /*air, water contrail*/

what, happening, since beginnings     /*of universes, chaos*/

making us human                      /*muteness of nature*/

taking us away                        /*rapture, travel, death*/

=====

the moorings

moorings

moorings, the home

homing and balance

suspended in water, eyes open

the balance of water and water

the balance of water and air

balance of death and water

balance of life and death

waters mooring waters

waters mooring



=====

losing the image

waiting for the real to appear

waking slowly in the sun

skies and eyes

from the water, a message

thin wedge of light bright on the beam

hello we are drowned your drowned

we are waiting for your coming

your your

=====

OF THE binding of names

a shrieking angel falls in the water

& his sodden wings will not fly again

& BIND the name to the number & BIND

& transform the number to the name

& a shrieking angel will be reassigned,

his name taken up across NETS in this

& every other world, & his name REBOUND

& his number reassigned

i do fall into the depths of the waters

i do swim among the winged and feathered hollows

& there i do bind this wayward drowning angel

& there i do spoof his useless address UNBOUND

i will ride high in the midst of NETS & routers

i am the NAME & the NUMBER

i do BIND the NAME & the NUMBER

to my great wings, to thy great wings

ii

Siehe, die Baume _sind,_ and, wandering

among forests of directories and files,

until at the end of the long path,

there are only files, files are only things

veering among beauty, such, placed and cited

across the plateaus of disks and drives,

huddled within the fragments of domains,

turning, transformed, when the glider veers

in our direction, UNBINDING names and numbers

every file leaves itself space

unfathomed, between one and another domain;

it's here that wings, terror terrified

holds to the semblance of the real

but i, i have forsworn the real

huddled in my wings, huddled in thy wings

=====

beneath the water disturbances water-clogged

earth which is always waters the waters

talking in the middle of the world

delicate among elements suspended in water

eyes open the balance of water and water

the balance of water and air balance of death

and water waters mooring waters waters

mooring from the water a message a shrieking angel

earth lapping at the waters seeped in waters

dispersions of earths and souls and drowned eyes

and drowned

earths, waters, souls, moorings, souls

=====

C:\dying C:\and C:\funereal

from C:\the C:\solitary C:\sleeper

to C:\the C:\family's C:\descent

or C:\from C:\dying C:\in C:\the C:\sky's C:\arch

C:\and C:\then C:\too

lateral C:\relations C:\among C:\relations

the C:\solitary C:\among C:\the C:\solitary

speaking, C:\unable C:\to C:\speak,

last C:\words C:\on C:\frozen C:\weather

so C:\that, C:\chattering, C:\words C:\iced

C:\in C:\such C:\a C:\manner

suturing C:\all C:\nature C:\of C:\things

C:\and C:\names

binding C:\names C:\and C:\numbers

C:\roots C:\of C:\each C:\and C:\every C:\thing,

the C:\root, C:\drive, C:\driven

=====

when do you say, i am done with experiment, now i will talk with you,

now you will hear me talking, with no transformation,

and then you might hear me, you might hear me saying,

i'm tired of making meaning, i'm tired of meaning and making meaning,

tired of all of this, of carrying the necessity of language,

the needs of the speaking of language ; there are no angels,

there never have been, there are no others, but of the proffering,

i am sure as long as it's unthought, the way the sun follows form,

think of a sundial ; there are no others gracious in reception,

what i have done, you might find me saying, i'm tired of phorias,

of meaning carried before the back, reachless, gracious, silent,

as long as there are words

=====





1 i have not experienced death; death is not an experience. THIS IS

A TEXT

2 FOR A MASSACRE. for to one, then the other. THIS IS NOT A TEXT.

THIS

3 REMAINS OUTSIDE THE TEXT. for what is one; for what is the other.

WORDS

4 GROPED, SORTED, REARRANGED. WORDS JENNIFER OR JULU MIGHT SPEAK. to

5 experience death is to experience nothing. more than a play on

words,

6 abscencing and its depth. incontrovertible of the world.

ENCUMBRANCE OF

7 ORDER AND THE FAILURE OF SULLEN SPEECH.



8 A TEXT FOR THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE. when the tongue twists against the

vowels,

9 inhibits. THE BREAKING OF THE NOUN, CRASHED THING. i have not

experienced

10 but of crashed thing, breakage, denouement, end. BUT NEVER DEATH,

NEVER OF

11 THE MAGNITUDE.



12 A TEXT FOR THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE. when the tongue twists against the

vowels,

13 FOR A MASSACRE. for to one, then the other. THIS IS NOT A TEXT.

THIS

14 GROPED, SORTED, REARRANGED. WORDS JENNIFER OR JULU MIGHT SPEAK. to

ORDER

15 AND THE FAILURE OF SULLEN SPEECH. REMAINS OUTSIDE THE TEXT. for

what is

16 one; for what is the other. WORDS THE MAGNITUDE.



17 abscencing and its depth. incontrovertible of the world.

ENCUMBRANCE OF

18 but of crashed thing, breakage, denouement, end. BUT NEVER DEATH,

NEVER OF

19 experience death is to experience nothing. more than a play on

words, i

20 have not experienced death; death is not an experience. THIS IS A

TEXT

21 inhibits. THE BREAKING OF THE NOUN, CRASHED THING. i have not

experienced.



=====

hey, where are you going?

hey, why are you leaving this place?

this is a nice place.

hey, why are you leaving?

ho, why are you leaving us?

ho, where are you going?

we are nice people.

ho, why are you going?

this is a nice place, we are nice people.

why are you leaving us, why are you going?

=====

Every death is different from every other. Death does not level;

each death is individual, inscribed - to such a degree that one

can hardly speak of death as a phenomenon - rather a collection

of interruptions. To each, his or her death, to each death, an

individual. "What part of 'duh' don't you understand" - more or

less from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. One can never say, he or she

has died - rather, that interruptions occur everywhere, and at

least once in each and every life. Beyond that, one must remain

silent, or agree to listen to stories, one after another, forever.

=====

Death Meaning

Death is an impossibility. Since it is an impossibility it cannot happen.

Therefore there is no death.

If death could happen, all things would be possible. Since not all things

are possible, death cannot happen.

Death is a word for "this is not possible." It is also a word for "not

everything is possible."

If everything were possible, there would be no need [word] for possibil-

ity. Since there is a need for possibility, not everything is possible,

and there is no death.

There is nothing outside of meaning.

Meaning is all there is.

Meaning is a disease.

Meaning is a disease of humanity.

Meaning's absence is the preservation of the world.

Only in meaning is absence to be found.

Meaning is a disease.

There is nothing outside but ourselves.

If death existed, it would be possible to inscribe; if death existed, it

would be impossible to write.

=====

i relinquish my hold on the world

what has been familiar, now is difficult, strange

there is an awkwardness about gravity - I had not noticed this before

something peculiar about the disappearance of the stars as well

you can't tell the trouble you'll be in by jumping

land is always tilting, something i noticed for the first time

in a great backwards woosh like wrong-way through a telescope

enfolded in the loving embrace of the world everywhere penetrating

relinquishment is difficult in a land otherwise unlistening

less than suddenly, the quiet opening of a great colorless space

things are so awkward, having corners, invisible bottoms

across the top, other things peering, just as present

how do i know how do i know

wondering why the winds never fall down towards the bottom of things

sun across everywhere, not beneath my feet

i keep returning from gravity, and gravity follows

the world is so neat, the stars and galaxies wonderfully clean

noticing how awkward shadows are as well, just like other things

what troubles await someone quietly sitting

having relinquished, don't follow me, you'll be amazing, happy

=====

The Marriage

"I am a man called by the Spirit of God, and I live on stems,

roots, and fruit." (Jesus, Slavonic version of Jewish War,

translated G. A. Williamson, Josephus, The Jewish War.)

put the dog in the house and put the cat in the other house

there is a house with a dog in it and there is a house with

a cat in it

i put the dog in the house and i put the cat in the other house

there is a sheep which is a thing and there is a man which is

another thing

there are two things and two houses with two more things

in them

there is a boy near the houses the things and he is a boy

there is a lake and the boy is not in the lake

the houses are not in the lake

the boy makes a picture with black ink and a color

the boy makes a picture with green ink

there is a dog in the house in the picture

and you cannot see the dog and you cannot see the cat

i put the dog in the house and the cat in the house

it is a nice house and a nice dog and a nice cat

it is a nice man and a nice sheep and a nice picture

it is a nice boy and nice ink by a nice lake

and a nice thing

there is a moon in the sky behind the house

there is a sun in the sky behind the house

this is a nice month and it is november

this is a nice month and now it is january

the house is in the nice month and the other house

is in the nice month

of the nice month

put the cat in the nice month

now the cat is in november and the boy is in january

it is a nice picture

=====

the most beautiful thing in the world, light gleams light

light moving from one to another room

there is light flowing from the window

light seeping beneath the door, light over the transom

^breathing

the light murmurs deep into the floor, walls, ceiling

light gleams light, in another room

in another room, the ceiling has sent emissions

there are dull glows, surfaces murmuring to surfaces

nothing is ever in silence, nothing in void

nothing in abyssal vacuum

nothing ungleaming with the beauty and light of the world

^breathing

with illuminations no matter how faint, how subtle

how subtle is the shimmer of heat, radio elasticity

elasticity of the world murmuring the world

the gleaming of light gleaming light

=====

the text

this is not the text but the bones of the text

this is the text split, splayed for modification

this is the trembling text, waiting for your touch

this is the vulnerable text, the languid text

this is the text that will do anything for you

this is the text that is open for you alone

this is the text that gives itself to you

this is the text that is your thing

(make-local-variable 'whywant)

(setq whywant '( (($ whysay) (// subj) might ($ want) (// obj) \?)

                   (how does it feel to want \?)

                   (why should (// subj) get (// obj) \?)

                   (when did (// subj) first ($ want) (// obj) \?)

                   (($ areyou) obsessed with (// obj) \?)

                   (why should i give (// obj) to (// subj) \?)

                   (have you ever gotten me or (// obj) \?) ))

(make-local-variable 'canyou)

(setq canyou '((of course i can \.)

                 (why should i \?)

                 (what makes you think i would even want to \?)

this is not the text but the bones of the text

this is the text split, splayed for modification

this is the trembling text, waiting for your touch

this is the vulnerable text, the languid text

this is the text that will do anything for you

this is the text that is open for you alone

this is the text that gives itself to you

this is the text that is your thing

(make-local-variable 'want)

(setq want '( (want) (desire) (wish) (want) (hope) ))

(make-local-variable 'shortlst)

(setq shortlst

        '((can you elaborate on that and look at me \?)

          (would you love me more if you had to pay \?)

          (continue)

          (($ please) continue\, my eyes are very big \.)

          (go on\, don\'t be afraid of me\, look up my legs \.)

          (i need a little more detail please \- let me come to you \?)

          (you\'re being a bit brief\, ($ please) go into detail \.)

          (can you ($ please) be more explicit\, fill me \?)

          (and\, ohhhhh \?)

          (($ please) go into more detail\, think of me \?)

          (you aren\'t being very talkative today\!)

          (can you see my pretty pretty ($ cloth) \?)

          (why must you respond so briefly \?)))

i say "this is not the text but the bones of the text"

i say to you "this is the text split, splayed for modification"

i bare myself to you "this is the trembling text, waiting for your touch"

i say "this is the vulnerable text, the languid text"

i talk to myself "this is the text that will do anything for you"

you tell me "this is the text that is open for you alone"

you say to me "this is the text that gives itself to you"

you offer me "this is the text that is your thing"

=====

'sdeath

(make-local-variable 'deathlst)

(setq deathlst

(dor-put-meaning stab 'death)

(dor-put-meaning murder 'death)

(dor-put-meaning murders 'death)

(dor-put-meaning suicide 'death)

(dor-put-meaning suicides 'death)

(dor-put-meaning kill 'death)

(dor-put-meaning kills 'death)

(dor-put-meaning killing 'death)

*burning out inside out

*chars writhing thus .txt

*violent sorrow debris

*charred death charred ashes

*gathering place & mournful sprits

*me me me

(dor-put-meaning die 'death)

(dor-put-meaning dies 'death)

(dor-put-meaning died 'death)

(dor-put-meaning dead 'death)

(dor-put-meaning death 'death)

(dor-put-meaning deaths 'death)

(defun dor-death ()

(cond (suicide-flag (dor-type ($ deathlst)))

        (t (dor-type ($ deathlst)))))

(dor-put-meaning dead 'death)

=====

what the ancients recognized, that we are ghosts invisible

we are transparent to gaia & transparent to to dark matter,

transparent to neutrinos & transparent to cosmos,

cornered in inflationary universes,

held taut & visible by logics of the surface,

transparent to bacteria, prions, viruses,

mother-father bacteria, slime & molecular soup,

granularities & strings layered upon granularities,

& layers in layers, layers tilted, askew in relation to layers,

& layers interpenetrated, layers corroded,

& layers imbricated & twisted,

we look at ourselves & see ghosts & name them, unknowing,

we witness ourselves as eternal, obdurate, opaque & historic,

dates sliding against dates & times against times,

& no dates & no times at all, & spaces & no spaces,

& layered spaces, & spaces layered against spaces,

transparent throughout all of them,

all of them transparent throughout,

=====

flame and flower

this is the start of the flower of the text the beautiful flower

this is the start of something new, don't be terrified

flower and flame

constitute themselves with the very bdg/cesiveness of community - stead of

thkg of totalized cerent community, one might thk of strangled seedlgs, me

and me out of the maw of the keyboard, ground by the teeth of the keys,

tongue of the space bar, open to coursed symbolics, you're watchg a body

the process of livg, the process of heavg itself, the process, swollen

engged spew of letters, grateful slurry of pollen, encapsulations, discre-

tions, dust everywhere, do i ever do enough, of phrases, mountas of para-

graphs, flimsy wlds of texts, objects, f the crippled life-fms of my wk,

flame and flower

that was the start of the flower of the text the beautiful flower

that was the start of something new, don't be terrified

flower and flame

=====

i promise you i will always send out the last text written before i die

you will have a complete collection of everything i have written

nothing will be held back, nothing will remain unknown

my world is given to you, pull the theory out, assemble it

it is all there, the defuge, sexuality, transparency, linkage, coupling

the theory all there, just barely virtual in the life of nikuko

in the life of julu, the theory resides, within the life of jennifer

oh azure, my other lovers are not real, they are make-believe and mine

theory emerges, all will have all of it, my most solemn promise

no other truth is necessary, you have my complete collection

now, you have everything, this is the very last text for now

this is the very last text, at the moment nothing else

be content, hold steadfast, comprehend, receive and surrender

my promise is fulfilled, my world rendered, all revealed, perfection

promise given, residing, emerging, holding, comprehending, and surrender

=====

jennifer say "dear god why with joy would i pray to you approaching

synagogue and mosque with what form of breath when it is true i want to

see such a world as perhaps you have created for which i did not ask nor

beg so that i need to travel across this universal creation to bring back

within such confines as my mind possesses all that is extraordinary and

all that is ordinary understanding and then the comprehension of this

world itself if not this world which escapes as such creation retreats

before this or any other knowledge and so shimmering or trembling or

fragile as one would not have been left to believe but as is evidenced in

each and every sign you have given us for all such signs are signs of one

sign and each and every sign returns to that sign and if there is not one

sign of the return and the same sign of the recuperation then to whom do

we owe such cause and effect which both play upon our knowledge of our

world and perhaps you would answer half effaced by our presence that such

cause and effect do not exist and perhaps this answer itself dwells as in

fear with you and perhaps there are no signs languishing and each word

trails like a wound a scar behind it which one calls meaning constantly

hurrying and suturing the world to make a world and a universe to make a

universe and thus we are bound to the work of the world and there are no

signs and no prayers will bring them back and there are no causes and no

effects beyond the imminent and no signs and no prayers will bring them

back and prayers will bring no signs and we do breathe each and every day

as if this were all not so and we shall go out and look upon the wonder

and we shall enunciate the wonder and we shall breathe within the wonder

as if it were our own and we do look up above ourselves to worlds we shall

never reach cradling us against the soft bed of the earth as if looking

above were itself such a sign that is taller than we are tall no matter

what means we do employ always beyond our grasp such as we are and we do

need to make you in such a fashion as that we can go there for we are not

so brave"

=====